well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize