Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
