Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
