I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
