We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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