Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so that wasnt chicken after all
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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