well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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