imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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