I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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