If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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