Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
