ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
