I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
