Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
