he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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