in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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