hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
