did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
