dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
