I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
