I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
