He is an equal opportunity slut.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize