Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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