i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
