you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
