awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's like iHOP with fire
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
