Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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