I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
