I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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