her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
