Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize