She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
