I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
