You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
