I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
