i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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