I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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