Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
