My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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