I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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