By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
