tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize