I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
