i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
