So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
