if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
