Only a mothe r could love this liver
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
