she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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