is your mom at the bar?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
