So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just want to make out with him forever
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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