Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He did a backflip because drugs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
