i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
