if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
