k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
