i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
