I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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