OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Randomize
