Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
