was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
