is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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