i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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