she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
