You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
