I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize