We won't sleep together?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
