How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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