Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize