I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
