i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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