Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
