god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
