I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
