fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
