we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
