there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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