I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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