I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
