Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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