Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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