dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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