we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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