so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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