finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
