I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they need to just BURY HIM!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
