I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
