i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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