i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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