If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
