As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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