He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
