I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize