Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
