HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize