ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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