There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
jump out the window naked night went bad
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