Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
