So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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