there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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