I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
