New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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