i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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