fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
