bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
