Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
