dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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