tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
