If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
