He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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