I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
