OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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