You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
