You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
