i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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